Dear Ansley and Zachariah,

Right now I'm listening/watching you both play together in Ansley's room via monitor. It's pretty fun getting to see how you interact when I'm not around. I love you both so much and I'm so grateful for you. I know I say that all the time, but right now I need some wonderful distractions and you two are definitely that!!

I love, love, love you both!

Mama

Dear Ansley,

You are the funniest little girl I know! You bring such joy to my life and I am so grateful for that right now. I love how you are changing and growing and I really wish your Mimi could see it all.

I am so proud of you and so glad God chose to give you to me. I am beyond blessed.

Thank you for your politeness, your obedience, your kindness and your helpfulness. You make my life a lot easier sometimes!

I love, love, love you!

Dear Zachariah,

How I wish your Mimi could see all the changes in you in the last month since she went to be with Jesus. You have begun to communicate so much better. You still don't say much (just "mama", "dada", "puh puh" (puppy), "ni ni" (nigh night), "buh buh" (bye bye)) but you are really starting to understand things and let us know what you need, which has been very helpful. You are such an obedient little boy too. People who see how well you obey are shocked.  I am so proud of you and I know your Mimi would be to. You are really starting to learn what you can and cannot do. Yes, you still test sometimes - but that's to be expected. Your sweet smile brings such joy to everyone who knows you and your willingness to go to bed amazes everyone! I love you so much little man and it breaks my heart that you will never know your Mimi and that she won't be able to see who you become.

I love, love, love you.

Dear Ansley and Zachariah,

I've missed you both so much this week while I was with Mimi before she went home to be with Jesus. I am so grateful for the people in our lives who are so willing to take care of you for me. I will always be grateful.

I am so sorry you aren't going to get to know the amazing woman your Mimi was. I promise I will try to teach you all of the things that she would have wanted me to. She loved you so very much and she prayed for you constantly.

Thank you both for bringing me such joy.

I love, love, love you both!

Mama

Dear Zach,

Mimi once told me that she believed God gave me to her in order to save her. Not talking the kind of salvation that only Christ can give, but " a Baby EMT" was how she described it. That I had "rescued" her. I remember crying when I read it and thinking how sweet it was, but not until now do I think I fully understand what she meant.

Right now we are in the process of watching your Mimi slip away from us. I wish you could have had the chance to know her. She loved you so very much. I am sad a lot of the times, but this is how YOU are becoming my salvation: when I look at you and you smile it is physically impossible to be sad. Honestly honey...I can just look at you and all of those feelings disapper. You have that effect on me and I'm so grateful for it. God's timing is so perfect and He knew the stage in your life you would be in at this stage in my life. He knew that you would keep me together in a time like this. You are one of the greatest blessings I've ever received in my life. I am so fortunate and so grateful that God gave you to me. Thank you so much for being such a wonderful little sweetheart who brightens some very dark days.

I love, love, love you!

Dear Ansley

You have been coming out with some of THE funniest things in the last few days. You just make me laugh so much :):)

At Gigi's the other day we were in the bathroom and you were going potty. I was about to leave and you so cutely (and not in a mean way) said, "mommy if you leave that will make me really really mad." And you did your little hand motions that you do, smiling the whole time. I kind of laughed, which made you laugh. You said it again a couple of times and then you said, "but don't worry - I won't spank you." Well, that just cracked me up. I composed myself and told you that was a good thing because you shouldnt eer spank adults. You responded with, "yeah, but sometimes I'm mad at 'dults'". I said, "it's ok to be mad, but you still need to be kind and respectful." You are just so honest and hilarious.

You have started referring to all shirts as "blouses" which cracks me up too.

Yesterday morning you were sitting next to Daddy at the island having breakfast. He was telling you how you need to stop crying at night and to go potty by yourself because you are a big girl. Again, with such a cute look and not "attitudey" way you said, "anything else?" and kind of gave a questioning look. Daddy and I both had to do everything we could to not just bust out laughing.

The other thing you say all the time is, "that's for sure". :)

You have such a great little personality. I am so grateful for it :)

I love, love, love you!!

Dear Ansley

I am so overwhelmed with love for you. I am so unbelievably grateful to God for answering our prayers where you are concerned. We (my mom and I) prayed that you would have a heart sensitive to the things of the Lord. And He has absolutely made you that way my sweet girl!

Yesterday you told Mimi that you didn't like it that she's sick. She told you that's why you needed to pray for her healing. So you in all your compassion asked her if you could pray for her right then...and then you did!!!! What other 3 year old does that??? You are such a wonderful example to me and I am so blessed to have you as my little girl. I just can't even put into words how loved you are. I am fervently praying that God answers your prayers...and Drew, Brady, Taylor, Anekah and all of your other friends prayers :)

I love, love, love you!

Dear Ansley,

Your tender heart is such a sweet little part of the person you are. I love how loving, concerned and compassionate you can be. It's just one of the things I love so much about you. I'm so sorry you are having to deal with my emotinal rollercoaster. I wish I could protect you from it, but it's just not possible. Thank you for caring about my feelings (and even my "boo boo's" :) )

I love, love, love you!

Dear Zach,

You definitely seem to be much more stubborn than your sister ever was. I can't believe sometimes how many times you will do the same thing over and over again...after you have been told not to (and had a smack too!) You are gonna be my tricky one I think. You've started to climb everything. Today I found you straddling the top of the couch!! It's adorable and I want to let you do it, but I know you need to have some limits :)

Tonight you were helping me clean up your Mega Blocks. It was so precious watching you squat down, pick up a block and put it in the basket. You then started picking everything up and putting it in the basket. It was so adorable...I could have watched you all night. And I LOVE that you are already helping me clean :)

I love, love, love you!

Dear Zach,

My amazing little boy...I love you so much. You bring so much joy to my life!! I love your smile and I even love your new little shreak (even though daddy hates it). Your personality is blossoming so much and if possible I'm falling even more in love with you.

Yes, you are going through a whiny phase and I'd really like it to be over...but all your other wonderfulness makes up for it!!

I love, love, love you!

Dear Ansley,

My heart breaks that you have been so scared the past few nights because of your nightmares. Finding you hiding in the bathroom last night was indescribable. If only you could know how much it hurt me to know that you were so afraid. I did "kind of" have fun sleeping on the floor with you in your room last night though. Even though it made me so tired today it was worth it.

I'm so sorry if I've left you susceptible to the enemy's attacks by not covering you in prayer every night before bed. We did tonight and so far you have not been scared. I'm going to attribute that to God and not that you were extra tired from swimming all day :)

I love you child and I had so much fun watching you swim, dive and learn all kinds of new tricks today. You are getting so brave and I'm so proud of you. I love, love, love you!

And so it begins...

This isn't really where it begins, but last year we had a hard drive crash. Included in all that we lost was my journal to my sweet children. I've been so devastated by it that it's taken me this long to begin a new one. I'm mad at myself it's taken this long because of all that I've missed writing about. Although honestly, even still...thinking about all that was written that is now gone forever...I could cry all over again.

But I figure, this shouldn't "get lost"...so maybe this is a better option. We have ALL our documents backed up now, but still...this is "prettier" :)

So this blog is going to be dedicated to my wonderful little people, Ansley Elizabeth and Zachariah John :)