Dear Ansley,

I learn so much from you each and every day. It truly amazes me. You have the most generous and loving heart...I am honestly convicted when I see the purity of your actions. Your heart is still so tender towards the loss of your Mimi. While it makes me sad for myself and for you, I am encouraged because I think just maybe you will always remember her. I pray that you do.

The other day you had kind of a boo-boo. Some skin had come up around your fingernail and it was snagging on things. It was hurting and I told you I would cut it off. You didn't want me to because you thought it would hurt. I told you that it would stop hurting once you let me cut it. In that moment I thought, how like God this is. I keep holding on to something in my life that is hurting me. He keeps telling me, "child, let me cut it off and the pain will go away." But we just keep living with the pain anyway because we are too scared to give up the control. I've been praying since then that I would stop waiting so long to let Him cut the pain (or whatever it is) out of my life. Incidentally, you did let me cut the skin off and you told me that I was right - it didn't hurt anymore. :)

I pray that in your life you will let the Father cut the sin(and pain) out immediately and not let it drag on. It's so much easier and less painful that way.

I love, love, love you.

Mama

Dear Ansley

Oh how the time flies...

I can remember like yesterday the day you were born. From my water breaking until you were put in my arms. I never thought I could love you any more than at that moment...

...a little over 4 years later - somehow it happened.

I cannot believe you have started VPK!!! It's just not possible. I must be living in a dream world of some kind :)

Your excitement about school has been so wonderful. You will learn that your mama isn't the emotional wreck that she used to be so this process hasn't really been as emotional as it would have been a few years ago. It's hard to think about you being gone for a few hours a day and yes I am going to miss having you around, but I am really just so excited for you and this new adventure. (next year though, when you are gone ALL day we will see if I still feel the same way :) ) You are such an energetic, smart and fun loving girl and I believe you are going to excel in a school setting.

I thank God for your sensitive spirit and kind heart. I pray that will never change. I thank God for your hilarious personality. You bring joy wherever you go and I'm sure you will take it to school also. Hopefully though you will learn to concentrate a little better than mommy did ;)

I love, love, love you so much Ansley and am so proud of you!

Your Mama





I just can't believe you have gone from this:

To this:

It still doesn't quite make sense :):)

Dear Zachariah,

My little man...words really cannot express the hold you have on my heart. Every day I understand more and more what I was told before you were born - that you would have a place in my heart that I could never believe. I said a while ago that God has used you as a "salvation" of sorts during this whole process. That is still so true. You have the most wonderful personality and your smile does something to me that there is no word for. I love to look at you and to snuggle with you (even though you don't like that very much). I love your sweetness and your obedience.

You are turning into such a little boy, new injuries every day! You've expanded my world so much and I am so grateful for you! I can't wait to see what God has in store for you...and right now I can't wait to see your big brown eyes in the morning :)

I love, love, love you.

Mama

Dear Ansley,

Some of the questions you ask just throw me for a total loop. I sometimes wonder how much you understand about Mimi dying. For a while you just accepted everything that you were told. It was very simple, Mimi was in Heaven. However, now you are starting to say things that make me think you are thinking more deeply about it.

Yesterday you asked if Mimi was at home with Poppy growing her hair back. I told you that no, she was at home in Heaven with Jesus. You thought a minute and then said, "but Poppy wants her to be at home with him." Sweetheart, that just broke my heart! I told her that yes he did and that I wanted her here too, but that God knows what is best and He decided it was time for her to be with Him. You seemed satisfied with that, but I just wonder what is going on in your sweet little head.

My sweet girl, you absolutely light up my life. Yes, you can be trying sometimes (being a "poophead") as you call it, but when you snuggle with me, when you giggle, when you are just "you"...it makes everything ok.

I love your sensitive, sweet spirit and I hope it never goes away!

I love, love, love you!

Mama

Dear Ansley and Zachariah,

Right now I'm listening/watching you both play together in Ansley's room via monitor. It's pretty fun getting to see how you interact when I'm not around. I love you both so much and I'm so grateful for you. I know I say that all the time, but right now I need some wonderful distractions and you two are definitely that!!

I love, love, love you both!

Mama

Dear Ansley,

You are the funniest little girl I know! You bring such joy to my life and I am so grateful for that right now. I love how you are changing and growing and I really wish your Mimi could see it all.

I am so proud of you and so glad God chose to give you to me. I am beyond blessed.

Thank you for your politeness, your obedience, your kindness and your helpfulness. You make my life a lot easier sometimes!

I love, love, love you!

Dear Zachariah,

How I wish your Mimi could see all the changes in you in the last month since she went to be with Jesus. You have begun to communicate so much better. You still don't say much (just "mama", "dada", "puh puh" (puppy), "ni ni" (nigh night), "buh buh" (bye bye)) but you are really starting to understand things and let us know what you need, which has been very helpful. You are such an obedient little boy too. People who see how well you obey are shocked.  I am so proud of you and I know your Mimi would be to. You are really starting to learn what you can and cannot do. Yes, you still test sometimes - but that's to be expected. Your sweet smile brings such joy to everyone who knows you and your willingness to go to bed amazes everyone! I love you so much little man and it breaks my heart that you will never know your Mimi and that she won't be able to see who you become.

I love, love, love you.